Today was a bit of a revelatory cooking experience. I set out to make apricot jam, because my mother always made apricot jam and I love it. I can eat any jam by the spoonful, but I think apricot jam must be the hardest one to stop eating by the spoonful. I just assumed I would use one part sugar to one part apricots, but I did some research and came across a wonderful recipe for French Apricot Jam on the Guardian website. This recipe uses a lot less sugar, as well as a vanilla pod. I was sceptical at first but after trying it I am wholly converted. I've now got jars of light orange jam flecked with vanilla seeds and I couldn't be more satisfied.

Here is the recipe:

1.5 kg fresh apricots

800 grams sugar

1 vanilla pod

Juice of one lemon

I stoned the apricots - letting Eleanor and Verity help me. Eleanor didn't like it because her hands got all sticky, but Verity didn't seem to mind. I put the apricots in the pan with 320 mls of water, the lemon juice, and the vanilla pod cut into four pieces. I let it simmer to soften up the fruit, and it was then that I put my head over the pan, took a breath, and was suddenly back in my mother's kitchen. My mother canned apricots, made apricot pie, apricot crisp, and apricot jam. I don't know if any smell can remind me of her more than the smell of cooking apricots. The vanilla pod added something to it, though - my mother's kitchen, but with a stylish edge.

I let it simmer, and then sit for a while, to let the flavors meld. I then added the sugar - using about 100 grams more than the recipe stated, plus 8 grams of pectin, and cooked it into jam. The result was the most elegant conserve ever known to man.

Cooking calms me, rejuvenates me, and makes me happy. I have no idea why. A few weeks ago, my children were being loud, grumpy, disobedient, messy and irresponsible, and somehow I found time to sneak into the kitchen at 5pm or so, and make my own invention of Gooseberry curd. I had never made any kind of curd before, but as I cooked the gooseberry puree with butter, eggs and sugar, I stirred and stirred and stirred, and then all of a sudden, it got thick. And it was a beautiful, glossy, very pale green, delicious curd. In that instant, all was right with the world. The stress from the children was gone, and I could face my responsiblities again. That's what cooking does for me.

Tonight, I'm cooking something else new: blackcurrant jam. I've never tried making it before. I'm sitting here at 12:30am, waiting for the jam to reach 'setting point'. Not that I'm very good at knowing when that is reached. I'm looking for the 'wrinkly skin', but nothing very convincing has shown up yet. I used two parts blackcurrants to three parts sugar, plus a pint of water for every two pounds of blackcurrants.